I have woken up today feeling terribly guilty. Last night I ended up spending over 2 hours on Msn, chatting to Bad Relationship Man. (I only spent about half an hour talking to The Swede last night). Since we met in the flesh almost one year ago, it's been almost impossible to drag any feelings or opinions out of BRM, & that was why I made the decision to move on, even tho I was never really sure of what had happened. However, last night, the conversation took a turn, and at times was actually quite tender. I asked him if he could remember what some of our intimate moments had been like, and he replied saying Yes, and that "There were too few moments like that".
I've felt terrible ever since, as if I am betraying The Swede. I know he would be upset & worried if he knew I had had such conversation with BRM. But at the same time, BRM seems to be so screwed up generally (he has horrendously-low confidence and never believed me when I had said I loved him), that I know the chances that anything could have "properly" happened with him in the end, were remote anyway.
However, the fact that someone is a screw-up & things will never take off with them anyway, isn't really justification in to keep in touch with them (& possibly hurt your loving partner), if you were formerly involved...I know that.
Is it the fact that myself & BRM never had an ending? Is that why I can't seem to stop myself? I'm off to hide under the covers to ponder that question now.