Tuesday, 1 September 2009

This morning I was woken by a text from my man, telling me he loved me, which lifted my spirits somewhat, even though it woke me up, due to the time difference. I've been feeling a bit down because of the money situation, and because if my son wants to do something new, I can never just say "Yes" without having to write my budget down and go over everything with a fine-toothed comb (see yesterday's entry). Whoever thought they would end up having to work out if they could afford toilet roll this week? (We can, thankfully).
When my boyfriend visits, it's like he's a different species from me-every time we go somewhere, I check the cost and fret about what he spends because I've become so conditioned to doing that myself. It's like I can't just chil out and enjoy it like he tells me to. He actually has a really good job, and lots more money than me, but to me when he/we spend a lot of money, it feels so decadent...wrong, almost.
It makes me feel like a freak, & I wonder if I'm the only person in the world who stands sweating in the checkout line at Sainsburys (or even Aldi), waiting to see if I've added everything up correctly, because I've only got a couple of quid in my purse..
Anyway, this morning I got back from the school run with my paper (I could afford one today, whoo-hoo!), and sat down to read it with some toast, and there was a story about a woman who was suffering from a dreadful lung disease. This was because she used to hug her dad when he came in from work when she was a small child, and he had been working with asbestos and contracted something called Mesothelioma, which eventually killed him. Well, now she has the same thing, and she was just 41, with two young kids, one only 9 months old......the story was so sad, it made me cry.....
It made me realise what was really important, and that if we have a roof over our heads, enough food to eat (most of the time), clothes to wear, and most importantly of all, our health....then we're doing pretty darn good...

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